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When I was at school I was bullied quite badly for being overweight. Now I have a degree and I’m just starting a new career but I still feel really bad about myself and very conscious of my weight. I now worry I may get bullied again at work.
Anonymous

Answer
You sound like a lovely, hardworking person and nobody deserves to be bullied. The problem is that some people use difference as an excuse to abuse and put people down. However, nobody has to allow themselves to be a victim. You can go into work with your head held high and don’t forget to remind yourself that you were employed because you are good at what you do. Remember that people who abuse others do so because they feel insecure about themselves and bullying helps them to feel more powerful. If we don’t allow abusers to see they’ve upset them they will usually leave us alone. We can try reminding ourselves that we are no longer that child at school; we are adults now and have an inner strength we can draw on. Trying to taking a CBT approach and change the way we think about ourselves is what is needed here; we can try to think helpful thoughts that tell us we are strong, powerful competent and generally a likeable, friendly person. Sometimes we need the right help and support to do this.

My partner and I are trying to arrange a holiday for next year. The problem is we can’t agree on something we would both enjoy. He likes activities but I like lying by the pool or on the beach so holiday planning becomes disagreeable and stressful rather than enjoyable
Anonymous

Answer
Lots of people find it difficult to agree on holidays. One idea may be to take it in turns to choose a holiday; this means, of course, that one of you has to make the best of the holiday for the sake of the person they love and not grumble.
Another idea may be to go on holiday separately with friends but to take short breaks together. Alternatively, it should be possible to find holidays where optional activities and excursions are arranged. One person can stay by the pool or on the beach sometimes while the other goes off and does something else.

Whenever we go anywhere my husband always makes us late and it’s embarrassing. No amount of nagging changes anything. I was brought up to believe that arriving late disrespectful to others. When we are late I feel like it’s a reflection on me and like I’m being rude. I know it’s not my fault but I don’t feel able to say so out of loyalty to my husband.
Anonymous

Answer
Well firstly it’s probably true to say that for casual occasions most people won’t mind if you’re a little late; they may not even notice. However, work and formal occasions are different and prompt timing is important.

There is nothing we can do to change another person and make them get ready to leave on time. The only thing we can do, if we don’t want to be late, is to make it clear (in advance) that, we are going to leave the house promptly at a specific time; that we will make our own way to the destination alone if necessary. We have to mean this, of course, and have a contingency plan in case we need it! Hopefully, if have to leave alone a few times the other person will get the message!

My team leader is lazy and doesn’t pull her weight. We are a support service and she’s supposed to answer phone calls and e mails but she keeps leaving her desk and I don’t feel I can complain because she’s a Senior and I’m not. The trouble is I sometimes end up having to take a short lunch break or stay on late in order to get the work done by the end of the day.
Anonymous

Answer
This is a very difficult situation for you to find yourself in but there may be some possible options for you consider. The first may be to talk to your team leader; in a calm, non-confrontational way. You may be able to reach an agreement.
Another option may be to look for another job; neither fair on you nor an easy thing to do but it may be worth considering. If you’ve already tried talking to your team leader another option may be to ask for a meeting with your team leader and a manager. This could be tricky because there’s always the possibility it may not go well for you. If you like your job apart from the inconvenience it may be worth accepting the situation and staying. It’s not fair that you have to carry an extra workload but it sometimes helps to consider the whole picture. For example, if you have friendly colleagues, good working conditions, decent pay and a short journey to work then you may want to hold onto them.