My partner and I are both architects, though he is older than I am. He’s been offered a partnership in a practice in the south of England and he wants to accept it. The problem is that I love my job here, I’m progressing well and I get on well with my colleagues. I love where we live too. My partner seems to think his career is more important than mine and is just assuming that I’ll hand in my notice and move with him. I feel hurt and angry at his thoughtlessness and his total lack of respect for my position. The problem is I love him a lot and we are best friends; I don’t want to give up on our relationship.
Anonymous
Answer
How very difficult for you, no wonder you feel hurt and angry. However, is it possible that he just got carried away with excitement and perhaps felt flattered by the offer of a partnership? It doesn’t excuse his behaviour but maybe it could explain it. You describe him as your best friend and if he really loves you he’ll want you to be happy too.
The keys to a good long term relationship are communication and compromise. When partners really love each other and are best friends it’s nearly always possible to find a way through. In a situation like this it’s important to have a calm, caring frank discussion including openness about how you both people feel. Clearly, in a scenario like this one partner has to give way if they are to stay together; unless commuting is an option. However, when partners are lovers and best friends it’s usually possible to find a resolution. The most important thing is that once an agreement has been reached there’s no resentment and anger that could spoil the future of the relationship.