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January can be a tough month; the excitement of Christmas and New Year is behind us and the weather often dull and cold. If Christmas has gone well that’s great but this is a time when some families have major rows. Many people over spend. Christmas and New Year can leave some of us feeling tired, stressed and financially troubled, and the hope of Spring and the warmer summer months may seem a long way off. However, read on because January doesn’t have to be an unhappy time of year but we all need a bit of a plan.

If you are feeling ‘blue’ the best thing to do is to talk to someone who you trust. If you don’t feel able to talk, write down your troubles and feelings. Next of all, plan ways of taking good care of yourself; you are most definitely worth it. Plan time out for relaxation, exercise (dirty word for many!) and plenty of sleep and don’t tell yourself you can’t find the time because you can’t afford not to. Make sure you do some of the things you enjoy. Reading, watching movies, candle lit fragrant baths, listening to music, seeing friends; give yourself permission to do whatever appeals to you. Whenever the sun shows itself, try to get out and about so that you get your quota of vitamin D. If possible, plan a winter break; somewhere sunny. Plan to do your favourite forms of exercise; endorphins will be released and lift your mood. You may enjoy walking, swimming, cycling, Yoga or perhaps a team sport. Exercising with other people can be very sociable and, for many, better than doing it alone. Deep breathing and relaxation exercises are a good aid to sleep. Dim the lights an hour before bedtime and avoid late night thriller movies, alcohol and caffeine. Phones, i pads and other devices at bedtime will keep you awake.

January is a good time to try and resolve any relationship difficulties, especially if you’ve fallen out with a friend or family member during the holidays. Feeling sad, angry and resentful is bad for your emotional health. Talking to someone, or writing about your feelings can be therapeutic; then you need to resolve to let go of your anger and forgive. We may resist forgiveness; we may even prefer the idea of revenge. The problem with revenge is that eventually guilt is added to our anger and resentment, though we may not like to admit it, causing us to feel even worse. Forgiveness is a process that begins with the willingness to forgive. Forgiveness lifts our mood and sets us free from negative emotions, even if the person we are forgiving doesn’t reciprocate.

If you are feeling ‘blue’, try some of my suggestions for the January uplift. If this feels too difficult, or your mood doesn’t lift, you may be suffering from depression and need to talk to a doctor or a therapist. Symptoms of depression can include low mood, negative thoughts and feelings, hopelessness, despair, irritability, apathy, early waking, feeling unable to cope with the day, procrastination, loss of libido and difficulty with concentration. Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness; because it takes courage and determination.

Some people suffer from a form of depression called Seasonal Affective Disorder. SAD starts any time from about September onwards and suddenly disappears in the Spring. It typically affects people living in parts of the world with shorter daylight hours and lower levels of bright daylight. It is therefore most prevalent in Northern Europe, North America, Northern Asia and southern parts of Australia and South America. Doctors recommend light therapy, received from exposure to a special Light Box, combined with SSRI anti-depressants. Light therapy can take place at home and at work. It usually begins in September and is used more frequently in the Winter. Although the cause of SAD remains unknown some triggers are thought to include low levels of the hormones Serotonin and Melatonin. Sessions with a therapist can be beneficial for helping people to relax and to find ways of coping with the limitations of SAD. Sometimes other contributing factors are uncovered during therapy. A therapist can help sufferers devise strategies to make the most of any available natural light and help them to reduce their stress levels.

We can all benefit from time out to therapeutically offload our negative emotions. Taking care of ourselves is an indicator of self- respect. Rest, relaxation, enjoyable exercise and an injection of sunshine will help lift our mood and so bring about an uplift; at any time of year.

I love Christmas but we have two kids and we both work full time. There’s so much to do and I find it all really stressful. It’s a shame because then I don’t enjoy it and I start getting annoyed with everyone.
Anonymous

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This is something that will ring true with many of us. Let’s all take the pressure off ourselves this Christmas by deciding we won’t make it all any more complicated than it needs to be. We can forget about a perfect Christmas and decide on a more relaxing Christmas instead.
The first thing we can do is let everyone know in advance that this year we will be sharing out the tasks. Adults can help with shopping and cooking, lay the table and be in charge of drinks. Children can help put up decorations and wrap presents under the supervision of an adult in the family (otherwise we may think it’s quicker and easier to do it ourselves); it won’t be perfect but other adults will love the effort the children have made.
And here’s a message for Mum’s everywhere. Most of the load falls on Mums at Christmas so, if you can, leave the children with a responsible adult for a few hours in the run up to Christmas and and take some time out just for yourself. You need it and you deserve it too.

My parents need to move house. The house they live in now has three bedrooms and a big garden and it’s soon going to be too much for them as they are already in their seventies. I keep telling them they need to get a nice little bungalow or a house in a sheltered housing complex but I can’t make them listen to me. They say they are happy where they are. I’m getting really frustrated with them and I don’t know what to do.
Anonymous

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It’s natural for people to have concerns about their parent’s situation and wellbeing as they approach old age. However, elderly parents are adults and have the right to be left to make their own decisions whether the family agree with them or not. It’s important to remember that many of the elderly have a lifestyle just as the rest of the population do. Many people in their seventies have an active social life and don’t want to move away from their friends, neighbours, groups and clubs etc. If they have a garden it’s good for them to be able to stay active and enjoy it. If they are active and can manage stairs it’s good for them to use them. There’s really only a problem if it becomes dangerous for an elderly parent to remain in their current home; such as if they have severe mobility problems or dementia. If that happens then they may need to be persuaded to move, but with great care and respect and in a way that includes them in the decision making process.

I’m organising a family Christmas at my house this year; there will be fourteen of us including four teenagers. I’m worried that some people may be glued to their tablets and phones and others may be offended. Is it reasonable to expect devices to be turned off during Christmas dinner?
Anonymous

Answer
I think respect is the issue here and if the person who is hosting Christmas Day asks the guests to turn off their electronic devices then the respectful thing to do is to graciously comply.
Many people would consider it rude for people to be using their devices during a social event such as Christmas Day, especially at meal times. It’s not only teenagers and young people who are the culprits either!
Most people are happy to be kept occupied with opening presents, pouring drinks, laying the table and helping with the clearing up afterwards, while others will probably organise pre planned activities and games. They can catch up with social media at the end of the day.

Unfortunately, when men are suffering from anxiety or depression they are often far less likely to see their GP than women. Men tend to be deeply conditioned, from boyhood, to believe that it’s socially unacceptable to be emotional. They can grow up feeling fiercely ashamed of crying, believing that tears are a display of weakness and failure. The depth of shame associated with feeling anxious or depressed, for a man, can be immeasurable. Sometimes men feel so hopelessly unable to meet social expectations and live up to the image of the tough, resilient male that they take their own lives.
As a society we need to break the trans- generational tendencies that result from what we traditionally teach boys about dealing with their feelings of sadness, fear and anxiety. Boys, as well as girls, need to know that it’s good to talk about their feelings and that it’s alright to cry when they feel sad or afraid. Repressed negative emotions can lead to mental ill health. Children also need to be taught about appropriate ways to express feelings of anger in order to avoid aggressive behaviour and bullying; especially boys, but girls as well. We need to educate parents, especially fathers, about gender equality so that emotionally, boys are brought up in the same way as girls.
Generally speaking men need help to change their perception of what it really means to be strong and courageous. They need help to understand that it’s manlier to face up to physical and emotional problems than to try to ignore them. However, the sense of shame and weakness associated with asking for help can be immense and should not be underestimated. It can take an enormous amount of courage for men to swim against the tide of what they perceive to be socially acceptable masculine behaviour.
Many men still believe that they should be the main breadwinner in the family. This sense of responsibility is an ingrained value drummed into them down through the generations and won’t easily change. Men tend to feel ashamed if they become unemployed or have to take a drop in income. This sometimes causes anxiety and depression.
Men are less likely to ask for help or talk about their worries than women. They believe they have to be seen to be strong and manly. Research has shown that most men don’t manifest depression, anxiety and stress in the same way as women. Men who are depressed or suffering from stress are more likely to turn to recreational drugs or alcohol, or to act out with aggressive behaviour, than to seek help.
When men choose to talk, they are more likely to talk to their wife or partner than to a friend or colleague. For this reason, married men, and those with long term partners, tend to suffer less from mental ill health than single men. Emotional wellbeing is known to be directly associated with good physical health and so men with long term partners tend to live longer than single men, as do men with good social relationships. Men who are in a stable relationship and have a partner to confide in are thought to experience an increased sense of wellbeing; it is known that they are less likely to have heart attacks and strokes. Men who come for therapy have often been encouraged to come by their female friends and colleagues, wives and partners.