I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I never have any spare time. The problem is people are always asking me to do stuff and I can’t say ‘no’. I know in my head I don’t want to do it but while I’m thinking say ‘no’ I hear my voice saying ‘yes’. I just don’t understand what’s happening and I end up getting so angry that I have to do all these things.
Anonymous
Answer
It sounds as though you feel the need to please other people. Some people are afraid that if they say ‘no’ the other person won’t like them or that something bad will happen. This is not true, of course, but our feelings can be overwhelming and so we say ‘yes’ when we really want to say ‘no’.
It’s often a good idea to buy ourselves some time when asked to do something; to say that we’ll think about it and get back to them. This enables us to think things through and, if we want to say ‘no’, we then have the opportunity to decide the best way to word it. It’s important to say ‘no’ decisively with a clear explanation of the reason why. The other person may well be disappointed but it won’t cause them to dislike you or make you a bad person.